


hearts heavy with loss

by this_is_everything



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, M/M, Unrequited Love, Worry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:55:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21646378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/this_is_everything/pseuds/this_is_everything
Summary: "How to kill someone. Kiss them once and never again."
Relationships: Fred Andrews/FP Jones II
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	1. The kiss

_"How to kill someone. Kiss them once and never again"_

**Riverdale High, 1993**

Fp jogs up next to Fred’s locker, a wide grin on his face. Fred mirror’s his expression. "Hey there.", he laughs at Fp’s happiness. It’s intoxicating to see Forsythe II smile, to be happy, it’s like a drug that affects everyone around him.

This is why he is always surrounded by people, they are just attracted to his nature, like flies buzzing towards their destruction.

Fred closes his locker and starts walking, Fp following him. There’s a bounce in his step.

"Guess what I got?", Fp is still grinning and Fred finds it endearing.

"Lucky?", he says and pushes through the door.

Fp snorts behind him, almost gets hit by the door and hurries to follow Fred.

"No. Better."

"Um, you got sponsored?"

"I wish, but no again."

"I don’t know, tell me." They’re walking past the bus station and now Fp is next to him, pressing his shoulder into Fred’s, his eyes glistening in the afternoon sun.

"But I want you to guess." Fp pouts.

"Just tell me Fp." Fred says softly. They turn into a small street.

Fp walks in front of him, his face turned to him, walking backwards, reaches inside his jacket.

"I got us 2 tickets foooor…. The Allman Brothers!", he pulls two pieces of paper out of his jacket and waves them in front of Fred’s face.

"WHAT?!?!" Fred catches Fp’s hand, pries the papers out of his fingers.

"Yep, this weekend. We’ll take the bus on Friday after school and get a motel near the arena and get the bus back on Sunday at 12h30. We’ll just tell our parents that we’re camping for the weekend and we should be fine."

Fred is almost jumping up and down in front of him, his body buzzing with energy. "Oh my God, Fp this is awesome, how did you get the tickets?"

Fp smiles, puffing his chest up a little. "I bribed Julian Horace that he might be able to join the team next fall when I’m gone. His father works in this branch. You owe me 20$ by the way."

"Only 20. How cool is that!?"

They’re walking again, Fred staring at the papers between his hand.

"I’m so happy right now I could kiss you!", he shouts.

Fp slows down next to him, forcing Fred to stop and turn back. Fp’s eyes are huge, his gaze cast downwards, a blush creeping up his neck.

"Please do." It’s barely a whisper and Fp’s voice is so vulnerable, so small. Fp glances at Fred. The other boy stands unmoving. Fp’s shoulders slouch, and he turns away, starts to walk, head hung low.

Fred reaches out, catches Fp’s sleeve, turns him around.

Fp’s face is gloomy, all the resent happiness washed from his features. It breaks Fred’s heart to know that he is the reason for Fp’s unhappiness.

So he lurches forward, catching Fp’s lips with his own. Fp’s hands fly up to Fred’s hips in a reflex, steadying them. He doesn’t react but Fred doesn’t stop, keeps kissing Fp’s lips, pulling his bottom one until Fp catches on what is happening and opens his mouth slightly. Fred wastes no time, working Fp’s jaw open slipping his tongue into Fp’s mouth. If there’s a fight for dominance, it’s a short one, Fp surrendering almost immediately, letting Fred push him against a wall, his hands wandering from Fp’s face to Fp’s stomach to Fp’s back and then dip lower. Fp moans into Fred’s mouth, pushes his hands under Fred’s shirt, his rough fingers ghosting over Fred’s ribcage and back.

Fred pushes a leg between Fp’s and - somewhere a car honks and the two jump away from each other.

Fp’s eyes look dazed, his swollen mouth slightly open. Fred’s hair is a mess, he rightens his shirt, picks up the tickets that fell to the ground.

"Let’s go.", he says.

Fp just nods, not trusting his voice, follows Fred until they’re walking side by side again, fingers lightly brushing. Fp feels like he might die from happiness. He smiles at Fred, catches his hand, holds it briefly. Fred smiles at him, but it’s distant and wary. Fp drops his hand, his cheeks burning with shame.

They don’t speak the whole way home.

....

They never talk about it. Even Fred who wants to know about every single detail in Fp’s life, stays quiet.

They go back to being friends, keeping a minimum of distance between them. They go back to shared food, shared jackets. To pranks and skipping school, to parties and passing out on each other.

Fp grows wary of his own body, always careful not to be too much in Fred’s personal space. Fred gives him the answers for the English homework and Fp drives him to school on his bike. They go to Pop’s but don’t share any more shakes, instead they each pay for one that they can’t even finish.

Time goes on and suddenly they’re out of school, getting kids, getting drunk, fighting, leaving.

And Fp doesn’t remember the last time he’s been truly happy.


	2. When We're Older

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 18 years later Fred Andrews gets shot.

_"Felt my feet stop short and I turned my head_   
_Tried to lean into every word he said_   
_Then he said_

_When you are younger_   
_You'll wish you're older_   
_Then when you're older_   
_You'll wish for time to turn around_   
_Don't let your wonder turn into closure_   
_When you get older_

_[...]_

_If I wait 'til my tomorrow comes_   
_Is the waiting all I've ever done?_   
_And will I get to_   
_Get to know myself in the place I am_   
_Get to fall in love with another man and understand?"_

− older by Ben Platt

Fred is laying in the hospital bed, looking all small and frail, his rawboned body outlined under the thin blankets, surrounded by big machines, swallowed by tubes that come out of his arm, his nose, his mouth.

Fp, his hands still cuffed, tentatively reaches for Fred’s hand, so slowly, so full of fear, it breaks Archie’s already battered heart. Fp’s eyes that always used to be so full of fire and pride and fight, are now empty. Instead there reigns a deep endless sadness in them.

Jughead told him how Fp lost his shit when he found out about Archie's father being shot. Wouldn't stop shouting, fought with his very being against the warder, throwing insults like venom at everyone who would come near him, until they finally let him see his friend.

The Fp Archie sees now looks battered, like all this fighting sucked the last strength out of him. Like he burned everything he had, he was, just to be here. The man is thin, his shoulders hunched, his head hanging low. There's a tiredness in him that wasn't there before, weighing him down, threatening to crush him.

Fp speaks then, slowly as if weighing his words carefully, his voice rough.

"It’s not your time yet Freddie. One last miracle okay?... You gotta wake up before it’s too late. Wake up please… I’m begging you I can’t do this without you."

Then his voice breaks and Fp just sinks into the chair, suddenly looking very small and very young and very old at the same time.

His small shoulders shake quietly, his hand still clutching Fred's.

Archie doesn't know what to do, so he leaves, letting the man alone with his father. He smiles at the warder, offers them to bring them some coffee and they smile a bit. He hugs his mother and hands the men their coffees, asks them if they mind staying a bit longer, that Fp needs more time.

When he enters the room, Fp's head is laying on the bed, next to the other mans hand that he is still holding on to like a drowning man. It looks uncomfortable but Fp is not moving, his chest barely rising, his eyes are shut close, his mouth is moving soundlessly. Archie realizes with a pang in his chest that Fp is praying. Fp the most godless of men is sitting at his fathers bed, praying for the salvation of Freddie Andrews' life.

So Archie kisses his father's cheek and sits down on the other side of the bed, clutching Fred's left hand, kissing it's back, and waits.

Fp never moves, his silent prayers the only sound filling the room, and Archie finds himself lulled to sleep by the regular beeping of the machines.

.....

When he wakes up he sees Fp's wide eyes, staring at his father's face. Archie turns his head slightly.

His father's eyes are open, endlessly tired but there's a spark of life. Fp begins to move. "Let me get the doctors." he whispers as if he were scared that his loud voice might break Fred.

His father clutches the other man's hand harder, shakes his head so lightly it seems almost nonexistent. Fp falls back into the chair, pulling Fred's hand towards him. "Welcome back."

Fred opens his mouth as if the speak, but starts coughing instead. Fp is at his side in a second, pulling him up, reaching for the glass of water on the small table next to them. Fred drinks slowly, even swallowing seems to drain him and his face is turning gray. Fp lays his head softly onto the pillow again, reaches for the nurse's button.

"No." Fred rasps. "A little bit longer."

Fp sinks back onto the chair, frowning.

"Why?"

"I.. remembered something." Fred's voice is small but his eyes are blazing now.

He reaches for Fp's hand, clutches it with a strength that doesn't seem possible at this moment.

"I'm sorry for everything.", he says, his voice getting stronger.

"There's nothing to be sorry for Freddie. The only thing that matters is you getting healthy again. Let me wake Archie."

Fred shakes his head again, a terrible sadness in his eyes.

"I'm so happy I could kiss you.", he says and Fp flinches hard, his face falls, there's utter terror there now. He tries to prise his hand out of Fred's but Fred refuses, clutching it even harder.

"Let's not run anymore Fp." Fred says and Fp's face goes red.

"What are you saying?", he whispers. There's longing in his voice he desperately tries to hide and that alone breaks Archie's heart.

"I was cruel and stupid and I'm sorry for every bad thing I did. I never wanted you to be unhappy."

"What makes you think I am unhappy?" Fp's voice is distant, cold.

"Are you not?"

"I want you to live!" ,and Fp's face mirrors the desperation that claws his heart, crushes it to a point where it becomes hard to breathe.

"Fp"

"..."

"Fp."

"Yes?"

"Let's try it, you and me"

Fp just stares at Fred, eyes glassy. Fred smiles, strokes Fp's hand, pulls him closer.

"Are you not happy that I'm here?", he asks, a huge smile on his face, that reminds Fp of how they used to be.

"So happy I could kiss you.", he answers slowly.

"Please do." Fred smiles.

Fp leans forward and kisses Fred's forehead, his lips linger. Fred lifts his hand and softly pulls Fp downwards, kisses him fullmouthed.

Then he starts coughing and Fp pushes him back onto the bed, blushing hard.

"Now let me get the fucking doctors you idiot." he mumbles and leaves.

Fred laughs and turns his head to Archie. "Hey kiddo."


End file.
